Why you do that thing you wish you wouldn’t do.

Do you ever have “things” that you wish you didn’t do?
OR things you wish you did do but you can’t seem to kick the habit or ignite the motivation?


Quit watching TV so much. Start meditating.
Stop eating cereal for dinner (but it’s so easy!). Start planning meals for the week.
Stop yelling at your partner in the heat of the moment. Be more present in your marriage.
Drop complaining and comparing with the friend who “has it all”. Start celebrating more.
Stop working so much. Explore, find adventure, live in the moment.

But it doesn’t stop there…then you start saying…

I’ll wait until tomorrow, next week, next year OR when I’m rich enough/thin enough/smart enough.
I don’t know how.
I don’t deserve something to be that good.
I’ve tried this before and failed, I can’t follow through on anything.
I don’t have time.
I don’t understand why I just don’t do this.

This resistance feel familiar for any aspect in your life? Ugh, I used to do all of these.

After the chat board lit up when I started talking about this topic at the live online soiree this past Wednesday (you can catch the replay of the event by clicking here – it was off the hook! Errr something like that…) and after a woman at book club mentioned she had 186 things she knew she could do that would make life more simple but she just doesn’t do them…

I knew I had to share a little something I learned that has gotten me from a place of beating myself up because I didn’t do/did something…to freedom AND implementation around the exact things I resisted doing.

The secret: Everything we do has a positive intent behind it – everything.

We never do anything that doesn’t give us something we need or desire.

For instance, sometimes we…

>>> argue in relationships when we are scared we might get hurt or are vulnerable and we want to protect ourselves. Positive intention: we want to feel safe and loved. We don’t really want to be an argumentative person or yell. Deep down we know it doesn’t get us anywhere.

>>> eat certain foods or stay at a certain weight because all of our friends do and if we gave that up, we wouldn’t have as much in common. Positive Intention: acceptance and connection… i.e. loved and safe.

>>> don’t get the support/mentor/program we need to change our negative patterns, thoughts, and unhappiness (ahem, Skinny Dip Society Immersion) because we don’t want to fail at another attempt to change our bodies and lives. Positive Intention: we want to feel like we are enough.

At the end of the day almost everything we do boils down to our desire to feel loved, safe, and enough. Everything.

There is ALWAYS a positive intent – it may not make sense and often isn’t serving who you truly are and what you desire, but it’s something that has been there to protect you, love you, and make you feel safe.

When we simply identify the positive intention behind what we’re doing/not doing, it eases the pressure off of why we suck, why we’re stuck, and gives us insight to change and take action.

It’s that simple.

Next time you get in an argument, overeat/eat crappy, don’t go to the gym, or complain that your relationship is boring…ask yourself “what am I getting that I need/desire from doing/not doing this?”

It can be mind blowing and life changing if you let it.

In the comments below, I’d love to know one thing you’ve been doing/not doing and what positive intention you uncovered from it (you’re ah-ha may be just the ah-ha someone else needed).

If you like this kind of approach and freedom rather than self-loathing and staying stuck, I just opened enrollment for Skinny Dip Society Immersion (12-week virtual, group coaching program) and we’ve got ladies diving in (pun intended) from all over the world who are saying “yes!” to a new way of thinking, living, and loving. It’s sheer freedom and contagious joy.

Live the life you were meant to,







5 thoughts on “Why you do that thing you wish you wouldn’t do.

  1. What helps me is that when anything anyone does or says, disturbs me, in any way, I try to remember that us it is a reflection of what’s wrong within me. I look to see what ‘I ‘ can change in me since it’s the only power I have.

  2. I often find myself sitting on the couch doing nothing after work when I have a huge to-do list (grad school, grading, workout, blog, upload pictures, etc). I’m a professional procrastinator. I usually feel bad about it because I should be doing SOMETHING. Positive intention: I need a breather. I need to just sit, relax and let myself be. It’s time to start saying NO to things!

  3. Not getting enough sleep. Staying up late even when I am tired. once in a while being cranky/stressed as a result.
    WHY? I like to create – I stay up working on clothes, projects, things that I have been asked to help with because why not? Make things better, more beautiful.

    I have been learning to literally schedule ME days, and just chill with a book, music, a good film. Some mornings I sit on the floor with my dog and do my devotions that way/

    • Eeee! I totally get the creative bug and wanting to give back. But then a couple years ago I crashed… not for a couple days, for 3 months. Now, I love scheduling ME days and require it! Love this!

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